Sunday, April 26, 2009

B. Bozo..Fatness Instructor !

TIRED OF LOOKING LIKE THIS ?????Now you can realize your dreams, and look like this !!
Yes !

Did you miss that opportunity to move to Japan and become a star SUMO wrestler because you were just too ripped or "Powerlifter strong"?

Now after many years of study and research, Bench Bozo House...offers you the secret to gaining hundreds...maybe thousands of pound of useless...heart smothering fat !!--Do people ever tell you you look GOOD in Diapers?

Well Go Ahead...ENROLL and ROLL and ROLL today !

Start Earning BIG Money in SUMO Wrestling...and Pretty little Asian women think you are a god !

Get Rich Suing Airlines for charging you an extra fare for each butt cheek..

Get your own show on The TLC Network
(Remember "The 1000 pound man", "The 600 Pound woman?" OR -" I didn't know I was pregnant?" )
That could be YOU up there..

Be a SPY ... smuggle documents between the folds of your skin...hold hundreds of secrets between your tummy and your OTHER tummy...and what about the memory sticks staying warm under your man boobs?

Be a chef--opera singer--or any number of human water bed shaped objects...the choice is yours today !

When You sign up with Bench Bozo you'll be just like Robert O. in weeks...sometimes days !!

It's easy and Fun !!

In the gym --SIT ON and DEFLATE..no, dare I say it....EXPLODE those Godamn exercise balls all the little fitness weasels 'build their core on'

Enjoy lifting more than anyone in the gym...how..??....learn to lift at least BODYWEIGHT in all the big exercises...then make sure your Bodyweight is more than any barbell or kettlebell or Hammer Strength apparatus in the gym...

Start this way.....

Eat a well Balanced diet thru out the day...

But at 6 PM ..turn on the TV ...make sure there are plenty of delicious Lay's Potato Chips...of course who could resist the Original Frito corn chips with jars and jars of Con Queso dip...it's the cheesiest ! --mmm that is some energy producing food for channel flipping...but where is the Yellow Tail Shiraz wine?? that will keep you relaxed and that appetite on a roll (there's that word again)
thru out the night...
of course you can add Ice Cream or cakes and cookies...but keep nibbling each and every nite..make sure you're laying down on the couch ...no sitting..that burns a few calories...oh yes...keep chanting Guacamole --Guacamole--Guacamole during commercials...soon you'll weigh more than you ever dreamed..and can start your new life as the worlds heaviest man....Hey, at least you'll be the "WORLD'S something"...not a nobody like you were when you fit in REGULAR peoples clothes...
hah...
you fooled those 'little people'

In the gym ONLY bench press!! do it twice a week make sure you stay on the gyms only BENCH for at least one hour and a half...I don't think ANYONE will dare to ask.."how many sets you have left"

I benched heavy today got in very good upper end work-- to 2 reps with 505--and 14 work sets in all, for Triceps and lock outs

Tonite I have set the Table for "Breaking Bad" "Simpsons" and "Family Guy"
till next time SNACK HEAVY !!

4 Comments:

Blogger Hopalong EAC said...

What about the bed sores--I mean bench sores?

A great comic essay with great artwork, as usual.

Secrets of the Roman Army--mix wine vinegar with water over ice. I recommend Balsamic Vinegar from Modena, which is the most expensive but also the best.

Tastes great, cuts appetite, is very healthy, and helps you get on a metabolism that burns fat.

Running is worthless unless it is for at least an hour.

Walking is better--but it takes time. In an hour you begin to change your metabolism.

Steady and longer is always preferable to intense and short as far as metabolism is concerned.

My metabolism at rest is so low that---

Snore. Snore. Snore.

5:33 PM  
Blogger Ruthita said...

Wow!!! Thanks for revealing the secret of transforming the body into something truly stupendous!!

The thing that fascinates me is how the blue hair turns to gold in the process!

Really you should charge big bucks for this!!
*giggles wildly*

5:43 PM  
Blogger Tony said...

Too funny Thanks for the laugh

5:47 PM  
Blogger zaitsoff said...

hmmm thought this was suppose to be about workouts.what you have written here maybe funny to your followers to most people its rude and insulting.

6:07 PM  

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